Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I dropped her

And now I can't sleep. Well, I can't sleep for other reasons, too: not enough exercise, things on my mind. But yes, I dropped her. She was sitting in my lap as we lay on the bed together. I heard her stomach start to rumble a bit, so I decided to adjust the spit up rag. I lifted it to straighten it out...and next thing I know her weight shifts and her face is heading straight for the mattress. I react as quickly as I can, but too late. She has fallen about 4 inches, well more with momentum, as her face started about 15 inches from the bed. And yes she did a face plant. She looked at me, her face turned red, and then it squinched up, and her eyes said, "Why, Daddy? Why?" She began to cry. I lifted her into my arms and held her close and told her I was sorry. I stood up out of bed, and began to sway and walk around...trying to comfort her. She calmed down, but when I lay back down in bed with her in the same position as before-one we both know well and one that had previously been safe-she again squinched up her face , it turned red and her mouth openned so I could see her tonsels and she squelched her raspy cry. Wheee Whee Whee.

It was never my intention, and I felt so bad. At three months has gained strength and is less easy to control. It is easy to see how free will can create so many problems. She, unknowingly, exercised her new ablility to move in new ways. And, in the past when I have seen her sway one way or another on my lap, I catch her. This time, I missed it. How does this relate to the Creator and Creature? Are we allowed to fall flat on our faces? How many times have we been caught before we fall? Are some falls are more harsh than others? And then are we lifted up and swayed and soothed until we can be at peace again?

No comments:

Post a Comment