Sunday, October 4, 2015

The Wisdom of Tenderness


Quotes are from Krista Tippets 2007 interview with Jean Vanier from OnBeing episode aired May 28, 2015, unless otherwise stated.

Of the many images of Pope Francis’ visit to the United States two in particular stood out to me:
  1. when the 5 year old daughter of undocumented immigrants, Sophia Cruz,  managed to get past the barricades and run to him. The guards at first fended her off. “The Pope does not have time for each and every child to run to him for a blessing. However, Pope Francis saw the courage of the girl, and beckoned her to come to him, and she was lifted up and he gave her a hug.


There is a wisdom in tenderness.


The second was when he met 10 Year old Michael Keating who has cerebral palsy..among the masses he bends over to give this boy a kiss.




There is a wisdom in tenderness.  


Jesus welcomes children with a spirit of tenderness.
He lifts them in his arms and blesses them.
the kingdom of God belongs to them.
Because children know what it is to be human.
Little children don’t judge, little children aren’t motivated by competition or outdoing. Little children were the lowly of Jesus' society...
OF such as these belong the kingdom of heaven....

The incredible thing about children is they're unified in their body—
whereas we, we as adults can be very disunified.
We can say one thing and feel another.
Can a child do that?
 
Children remind us what it is to be human.
If I’ve had a busy day or have a lot on my mind, but I come home and Zia and Ruby are there and they catch me sitting on the couch, closer to their level, they may jump on me and drag me to the ground, and we begin to play;
they are teaching me something about tenderness, about love about presence;
I see their faces, their hands, I hear their laughs, and I am reminded about what it means to be human.
to be human--in many ways this is why Jesus came to earth as a human, to teach us how to be human.  
You would think we would know,
But, in a world obsessed with mastery and control in which there is so much competition, uncaring, and destruction.
it seems we must learn..so Jesus points to children

And so as a child can teach us about unity and about fidelity and about love,
kingdom of God stuff, so it is with people with disabilities.
So says, today’s companion teacher, Jean Vanier, who founded the L’arche movement,
"intentional communities which center around people with mental disabilities."
the mission of L’Arche Communities is quite wonderful:
"- to make known the gifts of people with intellectual disabilities;
- to foster the development of communities that respond to members' changing needs, and
- to engage with local cultures while working toward a more human society."
 
After living with people with mental disabilities for 60 years, Vanier believes people with intellectual disabilities can restore balance to our world.

“Just as with children it's the same sort of beauty and purity in people with disabilities — it is extraordinary — as they remind us, 'Our world is not just a world of competition, the weakest and the strongest. Instead, Everybody has their place.'"

THrough living in community with people with mental disabilities,
“Vanier has learned the practical application of Christianity’s most paradoxical teachings; that there’s power in humility, strength in weakness,
and light in the darkness of human existence.”

One aspect of what it means to be human is through touch.
Jesus takes the children in his arms and laid his hands on them and blessed them.
Jean Vanier, who grow up in a military family and was military himself until his late 20s,
had to relearn in his L’arche communities the power of touch.   
Touch is complicated in our society where things are readily sexualized,
where physical abuse is so prevalent.  
But, when one visits the L’arche communities it is impossible not to be hugged or touched in a gentle and loving way;  a ‘joyfully physical” encounter is how it is described.  
Within the l’arche communities touch seems uncomplicated and so appropriate.  
Vanier describes this touch as, “safe touch.
That's to say a touch which gives security and reveals.
The way one can put one's arm around the shoulder of someone. It's not to possess them.
It's not to hold on to them.  It's to reveal.”

Vanier has gone through various stages of care for people in the community; like helping to change clothes and to bathe, or having to restrain when tempers get out of hand.  But, as he is “getting older and weaker,” he is experiencing touch from people in the community in a new way...
Like, Janine, who was once violent and acted out because of her condition, now likes to sit peacefully beside him and put her hand on his head and say, "Poor old man."
The culture created in this community with disabilities is one which not driven by a culture of competition, but instead a culture of welcoming, where tenderness, where touch is important, and it's neither sexualized nor aggressive. It has become human. This is what people with disabilities are teaching us. It's something about what it means to be human and to relate and to celebrate life together. "
 But we have to be open to relating in order to celebrating life with them, in order to see.  Vanier tells the story of a time he was visited by a man who he describes as bit glum. He is sitting in his office talking to this glum man, when “there was a knock on the door. And before [Vanier] could say "Come in," Jean Claude walked in and Jean Claude technically would be Down syndrome. And, he says, “Jean Claude shook my hand and laughed, and shook the hand of the other fellow and laughed, and went out laughing.” And the man that had been in the office looked at Vanier and said, 'Isn't it sad, children like that?'  Vanier reflected, “what was sad was that he was totally blind.
He didn't see that Jean Claude was happy.”

Vanier finds people are often hesitant to interact and engage the mentally disabled of his communities.  because, he observes: We are a frightened people.

The big question is, why are we so frightened of people with disabilities?
When asked what he does by a woman, Vanier said,
“I [have] the privilege of living with people with disabilities.”

And she said, "Oh, but I could never work with [those] people."
He asked, "Why not?"
And she said, "Well, I am frightened of them."
Vanier says, When we stand before people who are deeply disfigured in their face, or in their body,
we're in front of a mystery of the human reality.
It's the fault of nobody.
It's a reality that is there.
The history of humanity is a history of people being born extremely fragile because sickness and death are part of our reality.

Vanier says to overcome his own fears one of his main goals in life has been to simply become a friend of Jesus and nothing else.
By being a friend of Jesus he finds he is able to accompany Jesus to the difficult places and difficult relationships, and to see Jesus in those places and people.  
“If I change, and I seek to be more open to people and less frightened of relationship, if I begin to see what is beautiful within them, if I recognize also that there's brokenness because I'm also broken, and that's OK, then there's something that begins to happen.”
There is a story of St. Francis of Assisi, who lived in the Middle Ages in Europe where there were thousands of lepers. Assisi couldn’t stand lepers.
Of course Jesus ministered to lepers, but Francis couldn’t stand them, the smell, the disfigured bodies.
But one day, Francis says, “The Lord brought me to visit with them.
And when I left, there was a new gentleness in my body and in my spirit.  
From there, I really left to serve the Lord.”

It was a conversion; a change in attitude.  
From fear and despisal of what appeared most disfigured, to discovery of the presence of God.
Slide: Vanier Quote
Vanier has learned in order to fully love, we have to accept what might be judged as useless or despicable or painful or broken in ourselves.
And then we can stand in relationship with one another, without judgment or fear, but because we love. We discover the deep joy of human relationship.
“That we love people not because they’re beautiful or clever, because they’re a person.”

What a privilege for this church to be recipients and hosts of the wonderful people who are part of Jackson Creative,
The annual Christmas party this past year here was great .  

And each week folks from the Jackson Creative community come to this church; whenever I go out to greet them, they shake my hands, they smile, they all have University of Georgia gear on.  
They always show me love and affection.  
They help me to learn and relearn what Jesus came to teach us,
what it means to be human…
...humans who are invited carry ourselves with the wisdom of tenderness.
Let us Pray,
Gracious God, I thank you for the community of Jackson Creative.  I ask that you bless all caregivers and all of those with mental disabilities who are part of our community.
I ask that we may grow and learn from relationship with each other as we all seek to be children ...
Children who get what it means to be of your kingdom.
Amen.


 

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Weekend Update for Oct 4, 2015

Dear CPC,
 Ruby Gene brought home a great book from her school library yesterday, The Perfect Pumpkin Pie. It is about a ghost who haunts a granny and her grandson until she cooks the perfect pumpkin pie. Once she does, using some of his suggestions, he leaves her and the grandchild in peace until the next October when he comes looking for the perfect apple pie!  Ahh October, the time of autumn, falling leaves, more darkness, ghosts and goblins, and good pies. 
 
  The search for perfection, really, is a futile search. Why perfection became a goal for anyone is setting ourselves up for disappointment, and it turns out we may be haunted by this unrealistic expectation. The search for perfection can lead to dissatisfaction on many levels, including in our relationships. Instead of perfection, perhaps our aim can be tenderness--a tenderness in relationship with people and creation; a tenderness with ourselves. 
 
  This Sunday, in which we will celebrate communion and recognized that Christian communities are celebrating life in Christ around the globe.  We will look at the wisdom of tenderness, as talked about by Jean Vanier who founded L'Arche communities for people with mental disabilities.  In our community are friends from Jackson Creative, a program for people with  developmental disabilities, who come the church each week to help with various chores around the church building.  These wonderful people understand very well the wisdom of tenderness.  We will honor them by presenting them with a gift made by Peggy Deruelle. 

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Courage of Vulnerability - Mark 9,



References and quotes of Brené Brown come from her interview with Krista Tippett as publicized by OnBeing.


Today’s sermon is about having courage to be vulnerable.
An appropriate topic on what is marked as evangelism Sunday.
Does evangelism require vulnerability?  


On this evangelism Sunday, our goal was not to invite a bunch of people to church--
I’m not really sure that’s what evangelism is really about..


But on this Evangelism Sunday I want to spend a little time helping us to prepare better for inviting a bunch of people to church beginning in October.


What does it take to invite people to church?
Courage and a willingness to be vulnerable?


The conversation to invite is really simple:
hey my church is really important to me, you are important to me, would you come to church with me one sunday in October?


this may be really easy for some of you,
But for others it may be as terrifying as it was for me to ask Nikki to the prom in High School.
Nikki the star goalie on the girls soccer team.
I would see her every day at soccer practice and wanted to talk to her so badly!
I didn’t even know if she knew who I was really...I would think about calling her.
dial the number---hang up
dial the number--hang up
dial the number--it’s ringing--hang up.


Who knows what I’m talking about--
that may be what it’s like to invite some folks to church for some of you,
no matter how well you know the person because..


well, churches are kind of weird…
and the people who go to our church, may not be the people you would choose to hang out with all the time, but for some strange reason you’re all here together…
and the pastor---who knows what he’s going to do or say when my guest comes, and he’s kind of a goofball…
and what if the person hears me sing,
and I know they won’t be singing because I’m sure they don’t know any of our music here..
Oh boy…
Let’s just forget it
Keep it 100 in october….more like keep it 50, that is fine. we can do that.


But, then again, I do love my church,
and we really care well for one another.
we’re pretty open to new people and new ideas, so that’s cool.
And, besides, this is God stuff we’re doing..it’s pretty important.
So maybe I should invite…


So it goes:


If it’s worth it to you,
it’s probably worth it to someone else.
But, what if they go to another church?
Well, that doesn’t mean they can’t come worship with you for one sunday, does it?


Plus guess, what percentage of people in Jackson County identify as having no church affiliation...what would you guess?
according to a 2010 census, 62% That is almost 38000 people
This is up from 24000 people in 2000.
38000 people with no religious affiliation--
can we get 25 of 38000 of them to come to help us reach our goal in october….?
We’ll see.


But, I will admit...it is risky.
Because we have to become vulnerable,
and we expose ourselves to potentially being shamed.
Vulnerability and Shame--not your typical fire em up to go out and invite type of sermon.


But, really, if you put yourself out there, and not just to invite people to church, but put yourself out there for anything...you become vulnerable, and you risk being shamed.  
Is it worth it?


After this lengthy preamble, let’s have a short conversation about Shame and Vulnerability, based on the work of Social Worker Dr. Brene Brown,
SLIDE: Brown


whose Ted Talk on the topic has been viewed over 6 million times.  
Dr. Brown is finding through her research that our struggles, our moments of vulnerability, our times of shame make us who we are…
Said another way by Kelly Clarkson…
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Who wants to sing it!?


How do we react to these words.
Shame?
Vulnerability?


What comes to mind when you think Shame?


-- SLIDE: Shame


When it comes to talking about "shame," it seems like people have one of two responses: “I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't have anything to do with me,
or I know exactly what you're talking about and I don't want to discuss it with you.”


Dr. Brown says shame drives two primary streams in our head:
I’m not good enough; or
Who do you think you are to shame me?
She says Shames survival is based on us not talking about it, so it’s done everything it can do to make it unspeakable.


We see what happens when others are made to feel shame.  
Shame on you!
You ought to be ashamed of yourself!
Maybe we’re quick to sling the mud.


But, Shame isn’t anything any of us pursue.  
And, if we have enough courage to put ourselves out there, people may readily shame us no matter how hard we try or what good we do.


So why risk it?  Why risk being shamed? WHy risk being vulnerable?  
SLIDE VULNERABLE


What about Vulnerability?
How do you think about vulnerability?  
Or when was a time you felt vulnerable?
Some answers people give are things like:
sitting with my wife who has Stage III breast cancer and trying to make plans for our children,
my first date after my divorce,
saying I love you first,
asking for a raise,
sending my child to school... knowing how excited he is about [tryouts] and how much he wants to make [the team] and encouraging him and supporting him and knowing that's not going to happen.



Dr Brown’s research was driven by a concept she picked up in a Prayer book which talked about loving God with my whole heart.  
She asked, what makes someone able to love wholeheartedly--love god with our whole hearts, love others with our wholeheart.
She was looking at people who really seem to love with their whole heart, even when they’re getting hurt, they are loving with their whole heart. Kind of like Jesus


And she assumed these were people who had “never chipped a nail, no stretch marks, no struggles.  
But she found they were people like everyone else--there weren’t fewer divorces or bankruptcies or history of trauma or addiction among the whole hearted lovers.  


Slide
But she saw characteristics.
People who had trouble loving whole heartedly were people who exhibited:
Perfectionism, judgment, exhaustion as a status symbol, productivity as self-worth, always wondering: what do people think? performing, proving, on a quest for certainty.


Are any of us guided by those things? I know I am.

And Dr. Brown says that those who strive for those characteristics tend to be less hopeful.


And on the wholehearted side--those who were truly loving--major characteristics they displayed--they gave themselves permission to rest, to play, and to be creative.


and then she noticed something more…
Those who were able to love wholeheartedly, were people who had learned to and become willing to put themselves in situations of vulnerability.
who had courage to take risks.  


To the point that Dr. Brown says “our capacity for wholeheartedness can never be greater than our willingness to be broken-hearted!”
 
She looked at “11,000 pieces of data, and couldn’t find a single example of courage, moral courage, spiritual courage, leadership courage, relational courage, not a single example of courage that was not born completely of vulnerability.”


These were a more hopeful people
Dr Brown reiterated what has been said before, ‘struggle is a function of hope.”


Who do you know who is daring?
When have you been daring?  


I think there's something incredibly brave and daring about just showing up in places, because it’s easy to just hide, and protect.
There is something daring about putting your ideas out there -- raising your hand at a PTO meeting, submitting an opinion article for the Commerce News, displaying your art in a local restaurant, inviting someone to church.
“Whatever your daring is, however you're trying to show up, there's something incredibly contagious and powerful about it. It makes the people around us a little bit braver and it helps us get clearer on the ideals and values that guide our lives.”
We don’t have to do an extensive search in the Christian faith story to see how the power of vulnerability is put on display.


Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, is one who loved wholeheartedly.


And it seems like at the core of Jesus’ path was vulnerability,
a willingness to be subjected to significant shaming.


But, disciples were unable to see how this was beneficial to anyone or why this was even necessary….which is very similar to how many if not most Christians see Jesus today.
We tend to focus more on his victory and ability to conquer death than on the path of vulnerability that lead him to those lofty places.


IN Jesus’s time and even in ours, there nothing more potentially shameful than the vulnerable path Jesus was to take.
In the gospel of Mark he predicts this shameful path of vulnerability Three times.
Slide
And after each prediction, disciples just don’t seem to get it.
The first prediction:
‘The Son of Man will undergo great suffering, and be rejected, and they will kill him, and after three days, will rise again.’
A path of vulnerability...
Response of disciples:
Peter rebukes Jesus!  “That will not happen!”


The Second prediction:
‘The Son of Man is to be betrayed into human hands, and they will kill him, and three days after being killed, he will rise again.’
A path of vulnerability…
Response: disciples argue about who will be the greatest!


The third prediction:
‘The Son of Man will be handed over, they will mock him, and flog him, and kill him, and after three days, he will rise again.’
A path of  vulnerability…
Response: disciples request to be at his right and and his left hand,
and Jesus says, do you know what you are asking? Will you undergo the same baptism I am to undergo?  


It’s so hard to get this message about the necessary, inevitable path of Christian discipleship, which is vulnerability and potential subjection to shame and the pain that comes with that.
This is the good news of the gospel!  This is what evangelism is all about!
This is Foolishness to some, isn’t it.  And scandalous for others!
It was back then, and it still is today.


But we have to remember, on the other side of the vulnerability, shame, and pain, is life. Christ was resurrected.
His life had meaning as a result of his willingness to take the path of vulnerability.  
Slide
"Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experience."


Dr. Brown observes something we may all relate to as I come to a close:
she says: “The most beautiful things I look back on in my life are coming out from underneath things I didn't know I could get out from underneath. You know, those moments when I look back in my life and think, God, those moments that made me were moments of struggle.”


The moments that make us are moments of struggle.
When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, shame and struggle may come as a result, but those moments of struggle can teach us to love and forgive.
And we can live into hope.


Let us pray
  • Merciful God, in your son Jesus you show the power in the path of vulnerability.  Our world is one where there is much need and suffering, and you show the way for your followers: to be vulnerable for the sake of the most vulnerable.  Give us the courage to move past our own fears in order to live into hope, and to share your love, for the sake of your kingdom.  
  • Amen.